Defining Success on Your Own Terms
When I first started at Texas Tech, and even before that, my dream was always to be a successful author. I didn't realize it at the time, but saying you want to be successful is pretty broad, because the word has a few definitions, and our society has taught us primarily to think of one definition in particular.
Society has taught us to view success as the "attainment of popularity or profit." And sure, this definition of success has seemingly defined features, that in order to succeed, you must attain either popularity, profit, or both in some cases.
But even so, how much popularity do I need to attain? How much of a profit do I need to make in order to be successful? Upon closer examination, it's not quite as clear cut as once thought.
That definition is the second one that comes up when you Google the word success, and yet it's the definition people typically associate with the word. Our society has taught us that the only merit we should measure our successes with is through attainable results that we can see.
But what about defining success for yourself? What happens when you tell yourself that you won't let others define your successes for you, and start being appreciative of what you've been able to accomplish so far?
It isn't easy at all. For one, the general public doesn't have access to every piece of information, all the hard work that went into one's accomplishments. For example, an author may edit and revise a work three, seven, 11, 17, 23 times before it ever sees print. A gymnast may practice a routine enough times to where it's muscle memory, but all anyone sees is the first performance.
So how do you separate and define success apart from that? To start, it's important to be proud of yourself along the way, even if it's just small things to start. You wrote 10,000 out of 50,000 words on your first draft? Congratulations! You're a fifth of the way there, that's amazing! You found two pieces of research that ties your argument together for your dissertation? That's amazing!
It really is important to be proud of yourself on the way to your accomplishments, because it makes the end result all the sweeter. You can say, "this is what I've done; this is what I've accomplished," but you know in your heart that it's much more than that, because you've been able to relish in all the other successes that got you to the end result.
Remembering this is what will make you self-sufficient, away from the world trying to determine your success on their terms. Because the world is not always right. Take Vincent Van Gogh for instance, a phenomenal artist who worked incredibly hard his entire life, and never sold a single painting. But now his artwork is celebrated in museums across the world, emulated by art students trying to capture his style. But the world didn't see his success, they didn't appreciate him and the beauty he contributed to the world. They did not view his success as a success, if that makes sense.
That's why it is so important to focus on defining success on your own terms. When I'm feeling depressed, it's very easy to believe what my mind says that I'm not successful, and that I never will be. I've seen many others with depression say that they try to remember that they are successful in those moments. To tell themselves that they got out of bed and got ready for the day when it was difficult to do so, that they remembered to eat even when they didn't particularly want to. You can be successful in so many different ways, and you can be successful at things that even seem minor to someone else, or even if they seem minor to you.
When you define success on your own terms, it's easy to block the rest of the world out. If you have anxiety when making phone calls, and you make that phone call that you need to and it goes well, you should tell yourself congratulations because you did it! Even if it was hard. Someone without anxiety might not understand why it is so hard for you to have made that phone call, and they may not view your success the same way. These kinds of people are the most negative, because they seem to forget that no one has a monopoly on having difficulties within their life. It all goes back to the fact that no one has 100% of the information, but will still be willing to make a snap judgment based on the limited information they do have.
Being truly successful starts with defining your own success for yourself. Achieving success is like a mountain climb; every little step counts. So be proud of the steps that you're taking, and the rest will fall into place.
